on being a millennial.

We are greedy to become everything that we become nothing.

When I started university I was aspired to "change the world." I was going to graduate from my undergraduate studies, volunteer at a non-profit charity, continue on with a higher education, and work in a field that would change the world for the better. I didn't love my life in uni, but I figured it was okay because after I completed those above-noted prequisites I was going to love my life.

I graduated university a couple of years later than my peers with a general degree. I had minimal volunteer experiences at best but no long term commitments to any groups. I wasn't a part of any networks or associations that would've afforded me some kind of lead into a world-changing career. I was simply another graduate with a general degree that I often regarded as a participatory accomplishment. Needless to say, I didn't love my life after I graduated.

Immediately after graduation I recognized that my life didn't pan out the way I envisioned. I indulged in a number of unhealthy activities as means of coping with my dissatisfaction. I had all these grand ideas that was "supposed" to make the world a better place, yet after all those years of education none of those ideas came to fruition. I became increasingly irritable and my patience was often cut short. Time and time again I'd lapse into a state of prolonged rumination and questioned what went wrong.

It didn't help that my peers seemed to have found their "calling" and were moving on with life. Their lives gave the impression of perfectly executed plans, save the couple of minor hiccups. The envy and self-loathing engulfed me more intensely the longer I denied any signs of possible limitations.

I became obsessed with finding my "master hat," the primary title I'd be identified as, that I've rejected every other kinds of hats available. I wanted to wear one hat. And it was going to be the perfect hat only.

I'm in my mid- to late 20s now reflecting on my academic pursuit and I'm just now realizing that I'm not the only one experiencing the above phenomenon. I have spoken to some of my peers who seemed to have it all-- the perfect, altrustic career and years of worldly experiences-- and they've described emotions that are eeriely similar to what I have described. It led me to think that perhaps this issue is not an isolated problem that is happening to just a select few of us. Perhaps this is a phenomenon that's affecting our entire generation and possibly the ones to come as well.

This is a hybrid of social validation and social isolation. More than ever we are exposed to an insurmountable range of possibilities. We are constantly primed to believe we can do anything and everything we want if we hustled longer and tried harder. But isn't the reality less dreamlike? The differential here is the limits within reality. We are afforded possibilities subject to our limitations.

Our generation has been conditioned to believe that all of us should grow up to be the most respected and successful wine tasters if we tried hard enough, but the reality is only a handful of us actually enjoy wine.

The millennial problem I faced was being too greedy in wanting to become everything that I became nothing.

Going forward I will be channeling my energy into a couple of things that are meaningful to me. One skill at a time I plan to grow myself into an even more refined person than the character I prematurely envisioned when I first started university.