turbulence.

Have you lost a friend? Have you suddenly lost all your friends?

What I couldn't say was that I was afraid of accepting the fact that there is no one to remind me of events that I've forgotten.

No one to tell me their recollection of when my friends and I drove home from high school one day and saw one of our friends on the roof trying to break into his own home.

No one to laugh about the high sticking penalties or the “cows are holy” during our street hockey days. How we took over the entire 34th street.

No one to laugh about my passionate university presentation about asylums. Because when you're a reader you don't always pronounce words the way you're supposed to and sometimes it takes the deliverance of a passionate presentation for you to realize you've mispronounced the word all your life.

How many other memories that my friends and I would've now looked back on and laughed about now that we're nearing our 30s? 

There's no one to tell me: “Omg, I remember that. You're forgetting the part where…”

And I guess because of that this week I felt like I lost a piece of myself. My past now really will stay in the past if I, myself cannot recall my own memories. 

What happens to memories when it's all up to you and solely you to remember and laugh about them alone? How many more do you not remember? 

So I ask you again... Have you lost a friend? Have you suddenly lost all your friends?

Now your past lives within you and you have all the power to narrate it the way you want to with your newfound friends. Do you ever miss your old friends and the memories you shared? Do you miss having someone there to remind you of who you are? Do you miss having someone evolve with you, grounding you and you grounding them?

Because I do, all the time.