word of life.

Every now and then I close my eyes and dream of a quiet Saturday morning. I wake up, turn on an easy-listening soundtrack, make a cup of tea, and take a moment to appreciate the view outside my window. The sun glistens on the water and entrances me. I open the door. and I walk down the wooden porch and then through the sand. I listen to the waves crash against the sand beneath my feet and I breathe in the fresh ocean air. I feel so at peace.

I'm back in the middle of the prairies the moment my eyes open.

I used to feel despondent when this happened because my reality in the middle of the prairies felt so bleak. I woke up to dark skies a couple of hours before I need to leave for my nearly hour-long commute to work. I'd stay at work until the next rush hour beckoned. I returned home to dark skies. Eat, sleep, and repeat.

Life after university became redundant. I wondered if this is what it is like for most of us post-graduation. A part of me always wanted to believe that we were destined to feel more at peace with ourselves than this. So I embarked on my soul-searching journey.

My journey started with getting more involved in my family's small local business. Then tens of fleeting hobbies. I was nowhere closer to breaking myself free of the 9 to 5 redundancy.

One of the lawyers I work with once told me that I'm way too young to always stay in the comfort of my home all the time, and truthfully, that hit me on a different level. I never used to be so sedentary.

I'm not yet 30 and I have spent more time at home or sitting staring at screens of various sizes the last few years than I have in all my life.

Recently my journey has translated to road-tripping on a weekly basis. And when that's not possible I would indulge myself in a narrative of sorts.

One day I came across a small pier leading out to a small beach (truth be told, it was more like a massive lake). While listening to the water crash against itself, I realized that I was so unhappy with my progress that I became desperate trying to escape my perceptually boring life. I was trying to live the many lives of the people that I read about. Any of them but my own. I'm not sure when I started reducing my life to this shallow, bleak, monotonous life but standing on the pier with no cellular connection to social media made me realize I was so wrong.

Now when I open my eyes from the dream I feel wholesome. I'm reminded that the point isn't to find the most respectable career nor is it to make the most money. The point of life is literally in the word: live. It is not prudent to ruminate and get sucked into the endless journey of soul-searching however close we might think we are to "figuring it out." There will never be an end to it. We are right where we need to be right now.

With that, I ceased my soul-searching journey.